A good question indeed! One that he never considered nor ever had to. Why would he? Other women always surrendered to him. It was never a question of what they might want. He knew most would see this as a selfish pursuit of his need to dominate and in part that was true. However, he never failed to leave them sexually satisfied. There was never a question that he required them to surrender themselves to him. That was always the intent of the relationship. They had the pleasure of a unique experience in giving themselves to him, and he required their submission which was everything to him. It was all so perfect. So why the nagging doubt with Amber? What made her so different?
It certainly wasn’t the fact that she was physically superior to any women he knew. Hell, that was a plus. She had never objected to her role as a submissive. In fact, she enthusiastically pursued the position. Therein lay the problem. She wouldn’t simply acquiese to satisfying his desire, which gave rise to the fact that she had her own agenda. Her self-assurance should be a good thing allowing for the ultimate challenge to assert his dominance. He looked forward to this, but he couldn’t be sure if it related to his need or hers.
He started questioning whether he had ever really known the dymnamic of a true submissive. perhaps he was too focused on his own need and not what truly defined the ultimate pleasuer of an S/D relationship? Was he so caught up in himslef that he missed the point of it all?
This bothered him greatly. The last thing he would accept in himself is that he was missing something of the very thing that defined, no, that dominated his sexuality. He tried to convince himself that he was being foolish, but the thought wouldn’t go away. It insidiously controlled his thoughts for days. The simple answer would be that his love for Katherine was clouding his thinking. Not true! In fact, this should only enhance the desire for their obsessive tastes in sexual fulfillment. When he remembered one of the last things she said, it him him like the proverbial brick.
“You really should try to enjoy my need to submit.”
At the time, it was only ‘her need’ again, and he’d casually passed it off as such. After all, it was his need to dominate that gave him pleasure. Of course, he required her submission as he always had with his prior conquests. But as a true submissive, Amber wanted to, no needed to lose all conscious control to reach her dark side.
Ewan began to realize that this was not easy for such a strong-willed woman. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy being a sexual submissive, but it was not enough. She needed to know that he took pleasure in watching her step over the constraints of simple pleeasure to a place where nothing mattered except her undeniable need for erotic freedom. A place where she was completely subservient to the expression of sexuality. A place where everything about her, everything done to her, was the only thing she lived for. No thoughts; no concerns; no rights, no wrongs, no good; no bad; no anything! In other words, a complete and total abandonment of self to become totally and utterly controlled by the addictive demands of carnal lust.
Ewan sat back in his chair and considered Amber’s needs. His initial reaction was excitement, but quickly grew into longing. He tried to imagine Amber’s transformation as she lost herself to her shameless acceptance of her deparvity. And he realized that it was not only about expressing his dominance or having others submit. It was what his dominance could wake in the true submissive that gave relevance to such a relationship.
If there was ever an example of being too close to the truth that you couldn’t see it, this was it. Ewan, who was comfortably confident in everything he did was shocked that he had missed the significance of this. Everything he though he knew was turned upside down.
“Oh my god,” he thought to himself. On the one hand and for thefirst time in his life, he doubted himself. On the other hand, he was as excited as a kid in a candy shop. the Ewan he once knew had become the cliche expression of his favourite Zeppelin song, “Dazed and Confused.”
Click here to read the whole story so far. Stay tuned for my next installment….