My husband Neil and I embrace sex with equal passion. We don’t just like sex, we love, adore and enthusiastically pursue the sexual side of our relationship. A friend recently asked if we enjoyed our sex as much as we appear to enjoy each other’s company, and that was my answer. She remarked on how unusual this was for a couple with 20+ years behind them; she and her husband have rarely made love in several years. She went on to describe several couples she knows with similar experience; their sex lives have limped to a stop. How sad this is if it is true!
When she asked if we’d always had great sex, I paused for a moment to remember. We always had a strong appetite for sex and discovered early on that we liked to explore. In the early dating stage — we actually never dated, but that’s another story — some of that exploration happened with others, but like polar attraction, or perhaps it was pheromones, we came together more and more frequently. (Yes, that pun was intended.)
No folks, this is not one of those romance stories about Prince Charming riding in on his white steed to sweep the Princess off her feet. Nor is it one of those stories that culminates in the besotted man doing something incredible romantic to propose, usually involving going down on one knee in an exotic locale like Dubai (yes, I’ve actually met people who swear these are true stories). It is, however, the story of an enduring love and passion that went from a simmer to a boil, and trust me on this, it is a great place to be with a partner after many years.
Neil was not an easy man to get into bed. He is older than me, and there was something about my youthful innocence and intense nature that made him cautious. But there were those pheromones that led to many hours of foreplay that built sexual tension. He would play with my body for hours before sending me home, dripping with frustration. Despite my best efforts, which, I will admit showed the awkwardness of inexperience, I could not coerce him into intercourse, nor would he let me bring him off in other ways. He brought the same measure of control to all aspects of our sexual exploration, and it proved to be well worth the wait. Our sexual encounters quickly grew to marathon sessions with more than a few of them breaking records for the longevity.
One night after a particularly lengthy session during our first year living together, Neil asked me if I was achieving orgasms during our sex. This was a good question and one I had wondered about myself. I remembered a remark one of my roommates had made during a similar discussion and replied, “If I don’t know if I’ve had one, I haven’t.”
“You mean with me or ever?” he asked.
Purple with embarrassment and grateful for the ambient light, I said, “Never.”
I rushed on to reassure him that he wasn’t the problem, that with him I’d been closer to one than I’d ever been with anyone else. Of course, that’s no wonder with the parade of thirty-second wonders I’d had the misfortune to experience. Neil, however, did not take this personally at all; he saw it as an opportunity and a challenge. Neil loves women’s bodies, and although I didn’t know it at the time, he loved (and still does) my sexuality, and he was determined to do whatever it took to help me reach the ultimate pinnacle. He felt all I needed was the time to relax and let my body overrule my mind, so time he took. That first orgasm rocked my world as have the many thousands since.
My friend asked if our love making ever feels routine, and I replied, “Rarely, if ever.” I would say never, but the proverbial cliche springs to mind. She suggested I share some of our “secrets.” There’s no big mystery to what makes our love making interesting and fun with the desire of those first few times. I’ll share some insights and stories that brought Neil and me pleasure and joy.
Let me know if there’s a particular sexual fantasy you’d like to hear about. Chances are we’ve discussed or explored it over the years. Enjoy!