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Lilith Darville

The Skinny on Spreader Bars


Neil and I are always game to try a new sex toy, so you can imagine my delight when I read how much Ana liked the spreader bars in “Fifty Shades Darker”. When I mentioned them to Neil, he wondered if they were awkward to use. Wouldn’t they block access (he said while rubbing the phantom bruises from his forehead)? Were they more practical for the fantasy aspect than in reality? Since we can support a small country with the cost of our collection of “toys” that proved uncomfortable or unuseable without personal injury, we headed off to our local “toy” store to investigate.

As luck would have it, the helpful clerk advised us that there were none in stock. She suggested that we might find cuffs and tethers a better option. Intrigued, I decided to consult expert, Discrete Dan for his advice.

Discrete Dan replied, “You can see the basic idea that many have when thinking about spreader bars. That it is a rigid hard bar that the ankles are then cuffed to … and that in the practical real sex world, it may not function as well as it looks (our thoughts exactly), which leads to … (what???)

“Keep in mind there are the things that build anticipation and in reality are foreplay and the things that are manipulations of traditional sex … So the reality of the Spreader Bar (the hard metal pole) is that it is a bit of role play that allows one to give in to being fully exposed to another. Because of this, the spreader bar is traditionally used in a standing position which more so forces the person to actually keep the legs spread. You also will see it used occasionally with the wearer on his or her back with feet suspended or knees bent with the wrists also attached to the bar forcing them to keep their knees bent.

“Many times a strap will be added to each knee to hold them open when the wearer is on her/his back because not bearing weight on your feet allows you to close your knees even when the spreader bar is attached to your ankles …

“The spreader bar is really meant as a standing device. If you want to be in a laying down position, traditional tethers and cuffs work better, again many times with an extra tether to the knees.”

As Discrete Dan advises, these are the basics of simple bondage play. Well we buy a set of spreader bars? The jury is still out on that, but Neil and I will continue to have a lot of fun with cuffs and tethers. I’ll talk about some we’ve found work the best in my next post about sex toys. Stay tuned….

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