I sent out a newsletter mentioning that my darling Hubster is undergoing cancer treatment. One reader wrote asking me how we keep things “hot” while he undergoes chemo and radiation therapy. I mentioned this to a friend, who was utterly aghast at the idea that we’d even think about sex while dealing with the concept of death and dying.
My first thought was, “He’s not dead yet.” Although he hasn’t been hugely interested in making love, he’s still showing interest when I chat with him about my book research. We’ve had a few spirited conversations about swinging (yeah, that’s right, the kink kind) and polyamorous relationships.
I hearken back to that early morning moment a couple of weeks back right smack dab in the middle of his treatments when his hand rested on my breast. My eyes sprang open. Am I hallucinating? While I mentally debated, his hand slid between my thighs. For one split second, I thought of gently turning him down. He can’t possibly be in the mood. Then his magic finger hit my magic spot. Now, use your imagination.
When I coasted down from my surprise and surprisingly powerful orgasm, I said, “My turn.”
“Oh no, you don’t. Chemo sperm, remember. This is about you. That makes me happy.”
For the first time in weeks, he hummed while we got ready for the day’s chemo and radiation treatments. Later, he said, “You make me feel alive and vital.”
Now, like most folks, I had no expectation of sex while dealing with such grave illness. Then, I remembered many times over the years while I struggled with endometriosis surgeries and treatment—times when a bit of sex play helped take the pain away . . . at least for a few minutes. How I wanted Hubster to see a beautiful sexually attractive woman instead of recovering blimp. How thankful I was when he saw the woman, not the patient. And when he did, it brought a flash of sunshine in an otherwise dismal time.
So when he seems interested, I share bits of sexual and romance trivia. Mainly, I take my cues from him. When he worries he’s not meeting my needs, I assure him otherwise. I laugh with him over chemo sex jokes. I take every opportunity to reinforce that he’s still and will always remain my handsome and very appealing Hubster.
This morning when Hubster woke, he looked at me and said, “You look particularly beautiful this morning.”
Yes, I did bark out a laugh before I remembered to say, “Thank you.” Then, I tried not to be hugely excited at this sign that he just might be feeling a bit better.
. . . And who knows, there may be more of those fantasy nights in our future. Meanwhile, I’ll happily settle for cuddling on the couch while we watch the latest Netflix series. Got any suggestions?